NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS (The secret to no fap)
I'm 19, and currently on day 40 (hard mode). I've been addicted to porn for 6 years, and this is the longest streak i've been on. What you are about to read is something that took me years to figure out, and something I wish I would've learned sooner.
The KEY to breaking any ADDICTION is not to focus on the ADDICTION itself, but to focus on the FEELINGS that lead up to the ADDICTION.
Read that twice.
Often times we use our addiction to escape the emotional pain that we feel inside of us. We run from our pain, and therefore the destructive cycle prevails.
IF WE KEEP RUNNING FROM OUR PAIN, WE WILL NEVER OVERCOME IT, THEREFORE NEVER OVERCOMING OUR ADDICTION. Read that twice.
Beating our addiction starts with inner peace.
Beating our addiction starts with facing our demons, not running from them. If we dont face our demons, we wont be able to escape this addiction.
Alot of you dont get it. Alot of you are doing no fap for the wrong reasons. Doing no fap is not even about getting a girlfriend. Doing no fap is about HEALING and finding our INNER PEACE. If we dont heal ourselves and find our inner peace first, a relationship wouldnt even suit us because we'd probably end up fucking up that relationship and being more hurt. U need to have self love before u can ever love anyone else. (The cliché is fucking true, please dont ignore it).
More on my personal story:
I tried doing no fap the first time when I was around 16, and I always failed. I tried everything. Read all the advice, took cold showers, worked out, the works. My naive self back then thought it'd be a cure all fix all. I was wrong. I eventually gave up, and kept heading down a path of self destruction. I wasnt aware of it at the time, but I was torn up inside. I was so hurt deep down and scared that I would do anything just to try to make me feel better about myself. I started to smoke weed, fapping constantly, I would hang out with people that werent good for me, in and out of relationships, and (check this last one out) hook up with strangers. I promise you, hooking up with chicks will not make you happy. I promise you. A relationship wont make you happy. Something that I thought would make me feel better made me more empty inside then i could have ever imagined. Ive seen rock bottom. Trust me. Its when you are having sex with someone who you barely even know, they leave, and you look at yourself in the mirror not recognizing yourself. Sex then just becomes another addiction. Even more dangerous than porn.
One day i had a spiritual awakening. And I realized the truth. And the truth was that nothing external would ever make me happy. It had to start on the inside. I was emotionally numb, thats how bad it was.
I started going to therapy. It was a first for me. I never thought id ever share my dark secrets with someone. But it turned out to be one of the best decisions ive made.
I started hanging out with REAL friends. Not fake friends. Friends who were on the same path as me, friends who wanted to better themselves.
Meditation. Meditation was one of those things that alot of people talk about, but not many do right. You dont need no bullshit app, you dont need no bullshit guided meditation, all u need to do is to sit your ass down and observe how you feel, and what you are thinking about.
I started to apologize to people ive wronged in the past, i started to forgive myself for shit ive done in the past. (Sometimes internal work means doing something externally)
My most healing moments came when I was able to eventually let myself cry, and let all the emotions just come out.